A.A.Milne

I have an unhealthy relationship with parody, and have done since I started entering parody competitions in 1978. Sometimes I wonder if the voices I imitate have taken me over, but mimicking other writers has in the end taught me more about writing than it’s detracted from it.

There is a certain frustration about nearly winning a competition, but in the spirit of waste not, want not, here’s a saucy version (that was the instruction) of a poem which was commended but not published – a version in this case of an A.A.Milne poem, which I can remember from childhood, and which I suspect I had to learn (I certainly had to learn the one about the king who had to have marmalade and butter with his bread). The original is called Disobedience, and is a lot longer, but the limit here was sixteen lines. I would like to apologise to my reader called Carruthers. No slur was intended, as I am sure she will understand, and no animals were harmed in the making of this spoof.

James James Morrison Morrison

Weatherby George Dupree
Liked to run bare with Carruthers
When he was forty-three.
James James said to Carruthers,
“Carruthers,” he said, said he;

“I can show you a peach at the end of the beach
If you ever go down by the sea.”

 

Town Hall put out an order:

“COST of BEING DEPRAVED!

JAMES JAMES and MR. CARRUTHERS

SEEM TO HAVE MISBEHAVED.

LAST SEEN WANDERING NAKED,

DOING A SEASIDE STREAK:

SPORT ON THE SAND WILL SHORTLY BE BANNED –

FORTY SHILLINGS A PEEK!

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