You know you’re getting near an election

… when The Guardian starts to put the phrase ‘Lib Dems’ on the front page day after day. I expect it could be proved that this happens, but I am ready to  be disabused. I have voted for them before now, but I’ve never lived in a marginal Labour seat before, and, with luck, I will be registered in time.

One thing that newspapers get into a desperate lather about is hung parliaments, and always with increasing frenzy as a general election approaches. (There was one, sort of, in 1974, in the first election of that year. But only in 1923 was there really a proper three-way split.) This is because a hung parliament gives a political journalist an almost infinite amount of comment space in which to speculate. If there was a proportional voting system offered to political journalists, they would vote en masse for any system which ensured a dead heat, and they would vote using the first-past-the-post system.

I think we can fairly sum up the situation as follows:

a) No-one wants to vote Labour, except those who don’t want to vote Conservative

b) No-one wants to vote Conservative, except those who feel that a change is as good as a respite

c) No-one wants to vote Lib Dem, except where there is a Lib Dem MP

d) No-one wants to vote Green, except in Brighton

e) No-one wants to vote UKIP, except for nutcases

f) No-one wants to vote BNP except for racists and nutcases, which means that the latter are in a bit of turmoil

g) Commander Bill Boakes and Screaming Lord Sutch are both dead

h) Esther Rantzen wants to vote for Esther Rantzen

I am not an expert on Welsh or Scots politics, so I will leave well alone.

Quite honestly, I think that this election would be one which people would happily settle by text-vote, or by the Deal Or No Deal principle of  boxes sealed by an independent adjudicator aka the Returning Officer.  I think this might be a good idea, too, although I would replace Noel Edmonds with Michael Barrymore, both on the show, as well as on Election Night.

Forecast: a dead heat, and excitement all round. My money is on Box 13 (‘Take the money!’). Oh dear, showing my age.

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One Response to You know you’re getting near an election

  1. […] …for… er… take your pick, but rare PRSD contributor and New Statesman poet Bill Posters has boiled down the voting preferences for the next General Election in the latest piece on his blog “You know you’re getting near an election…” […]

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